love is…

and no.. though it is great, im not talking about the song by bo burnham.

i talk to her all day every day on instant messenger while im at work.. and still smile at everything she says. everyday when she gets home from work, i drop what im doing to run to the door and hug and kiss her. i cancel on volleyball, not because she doesnt want me to go, but because sometimes i really cant stand to leave her. she tells me to go play every day, but most of the time i dont because i just want to be with her. sleep used to be so important to me (especially before volleyball).. now sometimes i just hold her for hours while she sleeps instead of sleeping myself. i used to have to have a tv on to fall asleep – its been that way my whole life. now i dont care, because the longer im awake, the longer i get to have the feeling i have when im holding her. and if i need to sleep, i can just “spoon” her and fall asleep easily. i used to always have to roll onto my stomach to be able to sleep at night.  i enjoy shopping with her. i even enjoy going to garden ridge pottery with her which i didnt think would ever be a possibility with anyone (tried those before with ex’s.. not the same result). i give up going to the gym because i want to be with her. we have a plain tan blanket (she calls it the camel) a plain brown blanket (she calls it the bear) so i now call them camel and bear. i also know when im covering her up at night, not to put the bear on top of the camel because it is bigger and will hurt the camel. im as routine a guy as they come… i was never truly happy unless i had a specific routine that i followed day in and day out when it came to my eating times/habits, volleyball, working out, television shows, etc. i dont really have a routine any more because none of that matters when im with her. i dont care if she takes hamburg (my mercedes) and goes and races and peels out and does donuts – it just makes me laugh.  ive experienced the initial “fake” sense of bliss when meeting a girl on many occasions.. this is so much different and better.. and most of all, permanent. i was married once before.. i put off the marriage for a few years because it just never really felt right, and it wasnt necessarily what i wanted.. but after time i just figured marriage was the thing to do. thats what couples do when theyve been together for a long time.  it is so amazing to have the feeling(s) i have now, i knew immediately that i wanted to marry this girl because this is exactly what i want for the rest of my life. thank you for showing me what marriage is supposed to be/feel like. sucks that i had to wait so long and waste so many years to finally realize and find what this feeling is. the crazy thing is, i think she actually loves me as much as i love her – assuming thats possible.

 

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